


Hopeless

by Love_Starker



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Angst, Depressing Thoughts, Gen, I still don't know how to fucking tag, Sad Peter, Suicide, This shit is sad, and kind of based of me (loosely!), self hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-03-01 07:55:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18796165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Love_Starker/pseuds/Love_Starker
Summary: Peter felt like he couldn’t do anything right. Today just proved his theory and he’s never felt so useless in his entire life.





	1. Spark

**Author's Note:**

> Earlier this morning I was in a real shitty mood because of my family. This is me expressing my feelings through Peter (Lol Sorry Peter). Um, I really didn't type this for dialect or plot, just feelings. So if the talking seems kind of choppy that's why I just wanted to get how Peter felt in this situation and that's about it. You guys can comment if you want to but this is just me venting.

Peter was having a rough day, like a really rough day. Patrolling today was tough, everything that could go wrong during patrol has gone wrong today. School was no better since he left with a sour attitude because he was sure he failed his English test, and Flash just would not let up with the taunts today. On top of all that he has a last minute Avengers meeting in upstate to go too. He always excited to see everyone, especially Mr.Stark but today he would really rather just go home and crawl in his bed. 

   
They also didn’t tell him what the meeting was about. They really don’t have random meetings sprung on them like this. Especially because it’s hard to get a hold of everyone and get them there on time. He didn’t want to seem like he was complaining but he mentally did not feel like dealing with hero stuff today. He’s still just a kid and sometimes he needs a break even though it’s hard to admit it sometimes. 

   
“Kid, you alright?”

   
Happy voice filtered through his tired mind and almost forgot where he was. He gave Happy a small smile, telling him that he’s a little tired is all. 

   
“Alright.”

   
Peter continued to look out the window until he saw the Avengers facility come into view. The closer they got to the building the more his senses are telling him that something was going to happen and it isn’t going to be a good one.

   
He told Happy bye before walking through the doors and coming face to face with Pepper, and she did not look happy.

   
“Well it’s about time you’ve showed up Peter,” Her tone was clipped and irritated. 

   
“You were supposed to be here thirty minutes ago, everyone else is in the meeting room already.” She ushered him quickly into the elevator with a slight push and didn’t say anything else.

   
Meanwhile, Peters mind is swirling, how was it his fault that he got here late. Happy picked him up on time, there wasn’t much traffic and no one told him about any time changes. He started to get this heavy feeling in his chest and it didn’t feel good.

   
The doors dinged open and Pepper stepped out quickly before heading down the hallway to the meeting room. He followed quickly behind but before she opened the door she turned back to him, eyes cold.

   
“You need to take more responsibility Peter, this is not a game and just because you’re a teenager does not give you an excuse. If Thor can show up from another galaxy on time then you can make it out of Queens on time.” And with that, she pushed the door open and the entire room got quiet when he stepped in.

   
“Look who decided to show up.” 

   
That was Sam

   
Peter felt his face go up in flames as everyone and I mean everyone looked at him with a disappointed look, even Mr. Stark. He immediately opened his mouth to apologize and ask if someone changed the time and just forgot to tell him but the steely look that Cap was giving him quickly shut him up. 

   
“Hey there Peter, just take a seat kid.” 

   
That was Mr. Stark

   
Peter instantly felt the need to cry because he never wanted to see that look of disappointment on Mr. Stark’s face ever again. The ferry incident nearly took him out when Mr.Stark showed up to save the day. But the talk they had afterward was something he never wanted to revisit with the mentor again. 

   
He shuffled over to the only seat that was available because it clearly was for him, and he was very clearly late. Sitting in between Mr. Stark and Mr.Banner, Cap started to speak again. 

   
“Now that we have everyone here,” Giving Peter a pointed look that made the boy flush in shame. 

   
“I know this meeting was last minute but we really need to discuss execution when we go on missions. There has been to much damage to the city and in neighborhoods. We cannot continue  to make mistakes because making mistakes can get someone hurt.” 

   
Cap was in full leader mode and everyone was paying attention. Peter was trying he really was but he was just so tired and ready to go home. If this meeting was about minimizing damage when on a mission than why is he here? He doesn’t make much of a mess when fighting. If anything he probably causes less of a mess than anyone else on the team.

   
Clearly, he was wrong.

   
“Peter, you especially, those webs of yours are all over the place. They don’t dissolve and we’ve been getting complaints about your webbing on people’s houses, company buildings, etc.”

Peter opened his mouth to try to explain that yes his webs are probably in a lot of places but they DO dissolve after an hour. He’s been testing different agents to try and get them to dissolve quicker to avoid stuff like this. Mr. Stark even helped him do it!

   
Cap didn’t even give him a chance to explain and continued to roll over him. Saying that just because he is a newly knighted Avenger doesn’t mean he can do whatever he wants. Peter knows that isn’t the case because he does take this seriously, this is something he would never think could happen to him.

   
He’s beyond grateful...but lately, it seems that every little thing he does is wrong to everyone. 

   
“On top of that, you don’t follow protocol at all after missions. I believe Tony has talked to you about that and yet you still don’t listen, you gotta do better kid.”

   
Mr. Stark did talk to him about protocol.

   
“Yeah who gives a flying rats ass about protocol, nobody follows it spiderling, so don’t worry about it.”

   
Those were his exact words and Peter remembered asking him if he was serious and Mr. Stark was. He waited for his mentor to speak up about what he said but silence filled the room. 

   
The urge to cry again was becoming a little stronger.

   
He whispered a quiet yes sir before shifting his eyes to the table suddenly feeling like the most insignificant being on the planet right now. 

   
Cap continued to go on about other things but nobody got called out like he did and that alone had Peter feeling like absolute shit, gum on the bottom of some New Yorkers sneakers. What made it worse was that Mr. Stark didn’t stick up for him once, and he always does but today he didn’t. 

   
“Alright, guys that’s all for today.”

   
Chairs began to scrape against the floor and everyone got up at the same time. Clearly, they were ready to go so at least he wasn’t the only one. He definitely overheard some of the Avengers mumbling under his breath, and he sometimes thinks that a lot of them forget that he has super hearing.  

  _  
“If the kid was here on time we could've been out of here thirty minutes ago.”_

   
_“You know teenagers don't care about anything but themselves.”_

   
_“I don’t know why Tony gave him a chance, he doesn’t take this seriously.”_

   
The heavy feeling he felt on his chest from earlier came back tenfold. He could already feel the tears gathering in the corner of his eyes. These were his teammates talking about him. People he has looked up to since he was little, and they're just disregarding him like this, like he’s nothing. 

 He didn’t realize he was only one still sitting down until a hand was on his shoulder. He discreetly wiped his tears as he rubbed his face with his hand, feigning a tired expression. 

   
“You alright their Pete.”

   
It was Mr. Stark 

   
Peter looked up at his mentor and for a split second, he wanted to tell the man how he was really feeling. How today was a shitty day and had to deal with shitty people at school, shitty people on the streets while he patrolled. Only to get picked up to go to a shitty meeting that he was apparently late for, and get shitted ON the entire time. How he felt utterly useless right now, a complete failure and how everyone expects so much of his and how he’s hanging on by a thread sometimes to please everyone. 

   
But then he remembered how Mr. Stark didn’t come to his rescue and for some reason that sparked a sadness him so deeply that he just smiled.

   
“I’m fine, just been a long day.”

   
Mr. Stark gave him a warm smile before telling him that Happy is out front ready to take him back home. Peter took a deep breath to get his emotions in check before getting up and heading back down to the lobby.

   
He encountered Pepper again as he walked by the receptions desk and tried to give her a smile.

She just turned her back, that icy look never leaving her eyes.

   
The urge to cry again was really getting to him.

He continued to the front door.

He gave Happy another small smile as he got into the car. As soon as he sat down his phone rang and May’s name flashed on the phone. 

   
His heart dropped.

   
“Peter where the hell are you?!” Panic clear in her voice but he could also hear the undertones of anger.

   
“Ma— “ he started to say but was quickly cut off.

   
“You were supposed to be home getting everything ready!” She started, “I told you how important this dinner was for my job Peter, the place is a mess and the food is still in the fridge, nothin is warmed up!”

   
Peter completely forgot about May’s dinner with some people from the hospital. They might be offering a leadership position that pays really well, but they just wanted to sit down and talk first. May thought a good dinner in their environment would help things go along really well but she specifically told Peter that she needed his help to get things ready. 

   
“And I know your out doing Spider-Man stuff but I told you, Peter, weeks in advance that I needed you home today for one day. You couldn’t just take one day off for your only family member.”

   
He knew May was right, with everything going on, jumping back in forth between Peter Parker and Spider-Man it’s hard to keep track of everything going on around him. He didn’t even know what to say to her because sorry was definitely not going to cut it. 

   
“I am really disappointed in you Peter.” 

   
Was the last thing she said before hanging up. 

The urge to cry couldn’t be stopped this time.

   
Because that was two people in one day that he’s disappointed and he just can’t take it.

   
“H...Happy could you p...put the partition up please.” 

It was barely a whisper because he was trying so hard for Happy to not hear his voice crack. 

   
It looked like the bodyguard was going to say something but took one look at Peters red face and shaking hands that he just did what the boy said. 

As soon as it was rolled up, Peter cried. 

   
Body shaking, nose runny, couldn’t see anything past his tears kind of crying. 

    
He’s never felt so worthless in his life. 

The drive back to Queens always seemed to fly by but today...

   
Today felt like a lifetime. 


	2. Simmer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get worse for Peter. 
> 
> Shit hits the fan
> 
> I personally apologize for this 
> 
> lol

Happy dropped Peter off in front of his apartment almost thirty minutes ago but he didn’t have the heart to go in. He’s been sitting on top of the building for hours now, too afraid to face May. Even though she’s probably asleep by now, it just felt wrong to go inside. 

It was freezing outside and he didn’t have his jacket. He couldn’t help but replay everything that has happened. The dull ache of eyes still hurts from crying so hard earlier. 

He was sure Happy could tell when he dropped the boy off, but bless the man for not saying anything to him about it. 

Falling to his back he turned his tired eyes to the night sky. He wishes he could see all the stars that were up there, but living in Queens he’d be lucky to see two or three. In upstate Mr. Stark took him up to the roof one time when he spent the night. He’d never seen so many stars in his life, it was such a beautiful sight. 

The smile that Mr. Stark gave him that night made him feel warm inside and he wasn’t sure at the time if that was okay or not. He never told Mr. Stark about his feelings because the man his mentor and he’s also older than Peter. 

He’s only 18, and Mr. Stark is such a well-known person, what would a billionaire like him want with Peter. Especially since he’s been fucking up lately. Mr. Stark wouldn’t want someone who is irresponsible like him. Nobody would, not his teammates, not even his aunt. 

He turned to his side, curling up in a ball, and fell asleep on top of his apartment building. 

 

*

“Tony, I need to talk to you.” 

That was Happy. 

Tony lifted his head, eyes looking tired and worn. A glass of scotch was sitting near his hand and Happy could tell that the man was having a bad night. But at this moment he didn’t care because he just dropped off a teary-eyed Peter Parker. The boy looked an absolute mess and for once his life Happy wanted the kid to talk to him. But he rushed into the building before he could say anything to him. 

So here he was, in Tony’s office, ready to shake some shit up because a kid like Peter Parker did not deserve the shit he had to deal with today. 

“Peter got home safely I assume, what do you need Happy?” Tony asked as he leaned back into his chair. 

“Excuse me for saying this, but what the hell happened today?” Happy questioned first. 

“The kid was a crying mess in the back of my car the entire way home, you should’ve seen his eyes, Tony.” 

The surprised look Happy got from Tony pissed him off a little. Tony can be selfish sometimes but he couldn’t be that oblivious. 

Happy didn’t let the man have a chance to answer. Because there was another problem that needed to be dealt with because he had to do with him directly. 

When he got back to the estate some of the Avengers were still lingering around chatting and he overheard a conversation about Peter being late to the meeting. 

“And who changed the time? I picked him up and dropped him off on time today.” 

Tony sat up in his chair, a little more attentive than he was before Happy came flying into his office. He does know that Pepper changed the time to accommodate some of the others who needed a little more time to get there. She did tell him, and in turn, he told Jarvis to remind HIM to tell Happy. 

Damn it. 

“What happened Tony, I know that face.” Happy accused, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“Pepper did change the time and I told Jarvis to remind me to tell you but,” he sighed, running a hand over his face. “Something was going on with his systems and I had to run a diagnostic on him it took all day.” 

Happy shook his head, “Tony— “ 

Tony held up a hand, “I know I know, Pepper wrung him out about it and so did Cap, it didn’t even cross my mind then, I forgot to tell you.” 

“Boss you gotta do better, the look on the kids face after he left earlier today was a little haunting,” Happy explained, as he sat down on the couch in front of Tony’s desk. “The kid never shuts up about the meeting you guys have even though it’s supposed to be confidential,” he laughs. 

He continued, “But today he asked me to roll up the partition.” 

“Fuck, it was that bad?” Tony asked. 

Happy nodded 

Replaying the meeting in his head from earlier, there were a lot of red flags going off now. He remembers catching the sight of Peppers silhouette outside the meeting doors before bringing Peter in. She does the same thing to him when she has a few choice words for him before going into a meeting. Most of the time those words are not kind but Tony was used to it, but Peter? 

Sweet, soft, innocent Peter didn’t deserve anyone’s harsh words. 

Cap also calling him out was complete bullshit as well because everyone fucks up on missions not just Peter. The web situation was also bullshit because he was the—fuck! 

“I should’ve stuck up from him Hap.” 

Happy was confused, “What?” He asked 

“Cap called him out about his webbing today and I didn’t have his back Hap, I should’ve said something.” 

Happy shook his head, “It sounds like a lot of you guys got some apologizing to do.” 

“Yeah we sure do,” Tony started, “Do me a favor and send Pepper in for me.” 

“Yes, sir.” 

*

Peter wasn’t sure that sleeping on top of his building in the cold with no jacket was a good idea. Waking up, he already felt like he’s been hit with a train...twice. Carefully standing up he made his way over to the of the bustling to scale down to his window. 

It was still pretty early in the morning, he wondered if May went to work already. He crawled through the window quietly and hopped down to the floor. Even in his dazed state, he tried to focus to see if he could hear anything moving around in the apartment. When he didn’t hear anything, he walked towards his door and into the living room. 

He noticed that the place was spotless and he instantly felt bad because May must’ve have cleaned up before her company came over. He walked over to the kitchen to see that there were dishes in the sink and a pan. She must’ve made breakfast before going back to work, that also meant that there was a plate for him in the microwave. 

There was nothing there. 

May was still mad at him. 

She always made it a point to make him breakfast, because she always wanted to eat with him in the morning. But her work hours never let her so she would always leave him a plate in the microwave. 

Something inside Peter started to crack a little. 

His heart maybe? 

He turned back around to head to the bathroom, ignoring the growling of his stomach. He might as well take a shower and get ready for school. He didn’t want to think about the fact that May was that mad at him, that she didn’t even leave him something to eat. 

It spoke volumes. 

*

 

“Peter!” 

Peter slammed his locker shut wincing at how loud it was. He was hoping that his spidey abilities would take care of the oncoming cold that was taking over his body, but he wasn’t that lucky. 

He turned his head to see Liz coming up to him and she looked absolutely furious. 

“Where were you this morning Peter, you were supposed to help me set things up for debate the party today!” 

This cannot be happening again, he completely forgot about the party they were holding for the graduating seniors. He promised Liz that he would help set up since a lot of people couldn’t get out of class to help out. He couldn’t even open his mouth to say sorry because she just shook her head in disappointment before walking off. 

Peter just watched her walk away, his entire body feeling numb all of sudden.

He can’t do this. 

Slinging his bookbag over one shoulder he made his way through to the front doors of the school. He ignored Flash who called him some kind of ugly name, he ignored the confused look of MJ, and the “where are you going” from Ned.

It didn’t take him long before he was in his suit and swinging through the city. He needed something to distract himself from all the craziness that was going on around him. He hasn’t failed at being Spider-Man today so maybe he’ll have some luck today.

Maybe flinging himself around from building to building was not very smart considering he was sick. This is the third time he stops to empty his stomach on top of some random building. It probably wasn’t wise to be Spider-Man when he felt like this but, he really didn’t want to go home. He sat down on the edge of the building, waiting for his stomach to calm down so he can go on swinging again. Just when he was about to get up, he got a notification that something was going on. It called for any Avenger that was in that area. Looking at it he could see that it was him, Rhodey, Sam, and Cap. The usual excitement that he feels when he goes on an actual mission with these guys is not there. After yesterday he doesn’t feel like he’s in anyone’s good graces. 

But when duty calls, he knows when to suck it up and do his job because there was a reason why he was an Avenger right? They WOULDN’T have made him one if they thought he couldn’t handle it bu— 

“Peter what’s your ETA, this guy’s flying around us like it’s a game.” Rhodey’s voice comes filtering through his mask. 

“Sam’s occupied and we need to get a least one of these guys on the ground.” 

Peter was already swinging towards their destination, “I’m almost there, I won’t let you guys down.”

*(I Hate Fighting Scenes )

Peter didn’t know what happened but he knew that he was flat on his back, and it hurt to breathe. He slowly sat up and took his mask off, rubbing at his eyes to clear up his vision. Looking around he noticed that the area was a complete mess, three ferries were on fire, the pier now a pile of wood, and Cap….Cap was staring him with such irritated look that he physically flinched away. 

“Are you crazy?” was the first thing out of his mouth. 

Peter didn’t know whether to answer that or not. 

“Peter you nearly got us killed, you said you could handle it.” 

Peter blinked again before everything started to come back to him again. He swung into battle just in time to web one of the flying villains that was fighting Rhodey, giving him the chance to help out with the others. He noticed Cap was fighting with one of the guys on the ground, but the guy was huge, like crazy huge. 

Then an explosion came from one of the ferries by the dock. It knocked Sam and Rhodey out the sky and into the ground. It took Cap’s attention away for a split second, and the big guy got a sucker punch in, throwing him across the ground. Peter had swung in and caught him before he could hit a building. 

“I got him, Cap, go help Sam and Rhodey.” Peter didn’t wait for an answer because the other guy was charging and he was charging fast. He had to get this right today, he couldn’t let Cap see that he was incompetent at being Spider-Man. He wanted to show Sam that he does take this seriously. 

With that being said. 

He pulled the same trick he did back in Germany with Ant-Man, webbing the guy around and around until the guy couldn’t move. The only difference between now and back then was the fact that Peter was sick. He didn’t notice that he was getting too dizzy until his vision blurred and he lost his grip on his webbing. He went flying into the ground and it took him a minute for his body to function so he could get back up. 

When it did, the first thing he felt was the tingling on the back of his neck, and he knew that something terrible was about to happen. He saw the guy who was webbed holding up his arm and in his hand was a tiny remote. Before he could activate his comm to tell the others to get out of the ferry it was too late. 

*

He almost got them killed. 

He stuttered over an apology, trying to explain that the guys just slipped through his webbing. That he was a little sick but he had him, he had the guy right there it’s just, he just— 

“Stop!” Cap’s voice rang clear and commanding. 

It shut Peter up quickly. 

“I don’t know what Tony sees in you but right now I don’t see an Avenger.” 

“All I see is a liability, you’re banned from missions effective immediately.” 

Peter couldn’t believe what he was hearing, Cap wasn’t serious, was he. Looking into the man’s steely blue eyes he knew that he meant every single word. Those words cut him deeply, and it rang loudly in his ears. He saw Sam and Rhodey doing damage control as the police started to show up, and in the distance, he could hear the jets of Ironman quickly approaching. 

That was the end of the conversation as he walked back over to everyone else. Peter felt his entire body start to shake, his senses were all over the place, and he was so acutely aware of everything around him. It was starting to make his skin itch in the worst way, and on top of all that the need to throw up was starting up again. 

He slowly got to his feet, swaying just slightly. 

Mr. Stark would be here soon, and he didn’t need to be here when he landed. He’s had enough, he clearly can’t do anything right as Peter Parker, and the same goes for Spider-Man. What’s the point of him being there, existing if he kept screwing everything up? 

With shaking hands, he slid his mask back over his face before shooting his web to the closest building and swinging away.


	3. Explosion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fleeting moments are said to be the best.  
> Tony thinks otherwise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Okay not to say that I have some excuses...but I got some excuses. I retyped this FIVE times five. So uh please forgive me if the ending or even like halfway through some parts feel kind of weird lol I procrastinated way too long on this and kind of forgot how I wanted it to go. But hopefully, you guys enjoy it. 
> 
> Make sure to read the notes at the end!

😣🕸🌪❌

 

Peter thought they tore this place down after Mr. Stark moved the Avengers building upstate. But here he was sitting on top of the old Avengers tower in only a sweatshirt and pants. He thought this through in the last few hours even with his mind in complete hysteria. He stopped by his building, blindingly chucking his Spider-Man suit in a corner of his room and changed before leaving again.

Aunt May still wasn’t home.

He was about to do something he’s had his mind on for a very long time, and everything that has been going on lately just confirmed the way he’s been feeling.

He was still dizzy from being sick and standing on the edge of the building just enhanced that feeling tenfold.

He didn’t care.

Nothing mattered anymore, because he clearly didn’t matter to anyone else that has been around him. He hasn’t felt this bad since uncle Ben died, and he tried so hard to crawl out of that dark hole but here he is again. It just seems like every move he makes is the wrong one, and when that starts to become a problem for everyone else then what’s the point in trying. He just felt so worthless, and pathetic he didn’t know what else he could do to make this feeling go away; this was his last resort.

He stepped closer to the edge of the building.

He felt tears start to gather in his eyes, a sob working its way out his mouth because this overwhelming feeling of dread was too much. The absolute weight of it was crushing his chest and he just wanted it to stop, he wanted everything to stop. He tilted his head back, trying to get his thoughts together, trying to get his mind to process what he was about to do. He was met with cloudy skies, not a star in sight and even mother nature didn’t give a fuck about it him. It would’ve been nice he could see at least one more star before leaving.

This just made him think of Mr. Stark and all the things he won’t be able to tell the man.

How he cherished him.

Appreciated him.

Cared for him.

Love him.

It doesn’t matter though; nothing matters at this point.

-Ring-

His phone was ringing.

How long was his phone ringing?

It was Mr. Starks ringtone.

He answered, tears filling his eyes again.

“Peter!”

“Peter, where are you?”

A frantic Tony Stark was something you do not get to hear that often, and yet here he was. He couldn’t even get his mouth to work before Tony was speaking again, it sounded like he was flying.

“Your suit is at home, so I know you’re not there.”

Silence. “Pete your Aunt is worried about you kid, come on,” Tony started, “I know what happened today, and I just want to talk to you please, Cap said you left in a rush and that you didn’t look too good.

”Peter scoffed.

Cap wasn’t worried about him, May wasn’t worried about him, and he wasn’t sure why Tony was acting like he was too.

“What do you mean, of course, they are worried about you,” Tony stated.

He must have said that out loud.

The last two days have been playing in Peters mind all day and the more he thought about it the more his heart broke. He doesn’t matter to anyone because if he did, he would not be in this situation right now. He wouldn’t be standing on the edge of the tallest building in New York hoping that the fall will kill him.

Kill Spider-Man.

That thought alone really grounded him, and for once in his life, he felt that this, this was something that he had to do and it felt right.

Mr. Stark was saying something but he quietly cut the man off with a whispered: “I’m sorry.”

“I….I’m s….sorry that I keep m….messing up,” Peter stuttered through his tears, “You told me…to be b….better.” Peter stated as he turned his back to the edge of the building. He looked up at the sky again, hoping to see something other than the foggy skies of New York.

No luck.

“I can’t live up to that,” Peter felt like he was about to pass out. He wasn’t sure if it was the fact that he was still sick or all of the emotions he was feeling at once.

Tony was outright panicking now, “Where are you’s”, and “Please’s” being yelled into the phone because of course, he knew something bad was about to happen.

“I love you.”

It was said so quietly that Peter himself didn’t know if he said it or not, but it got Tony to be quiet for just that second.

And within that second, he hung up the phone, closed his eyes, and fell.

*

Tony was panicking now and he had never felt this kind of fear coursed through his body before. He knew the situation with Cap and everyone else needed to be handled because what happened at that meeting yesterday was just wrong. On top of that, the rundown he got from Rhodey on the mission just a few hours ago did not sit well with him at all. He was stuck in a meeting when he got the notification about some shit going off at the pier again. By the time he got there though it was over, Peter was gone, and according to Rhodey, it had not gone well for the kid.

In turn, he gave Steve a lot of choice words and told him that everyone was meeting at the facility again for an important gathering. That gathering was going to be a “We’re Sorry” party for Peter but the kid ran off, and Steve did mention that he did not look good at all.

So, when he flew to the boy’s apartment to find his suit crumpled in a corner, he got a little confused. His aunt hasn’t seen or heard from all day and she also explained the situation that happened yesterday which made Tony go on edge. The kid was clearly dealing with some shit, and everything that happened today must have gotten to him. To make matters worse he doesn’t have his suit on so the only way he could track him was having Friday scan his surroundings.

It was dark outside when he really began to worry because where the hell is his boy? It shouldn’t be taking him this long to find him, and he really thinks the kid is about to do something really stupid. He tried calling Peter’s phone a million times but he just wasn’t answering, and this point he’s ready to send out the entire NYPD to go look for him. That is until he tried the boy’s phone one more time, and he actually answered.

The relief he felt was soon leaving his body at the sound of Peter’s wrecked voice.

Peter was definitely on top of a building somewhere judging by the whistling of the wind coming through the phone. Tony was in a complete panic now; Peter was saying things that didn’t make any sense. Saying that he should have been better, that he was sorry, that Peter loved him.

Then the phone called ended.

“Friday track Peter’s location now!” he all but screamed.

He kicked his thrusters into overdrive as soon as he got the boys location. He didn’t know what the hell was going through Peter’s mind but Tony was going to have a long conversation with the boy. He needed Peter to know that he isn’t worthless that so many people loved him and appreciated him. The tower finally came into view and he felt his heart plummet to the bottom of his stomach because something was falling from it.

Peter?

It was from Peter.

“PETER!”

The scream ripped out of his throat on instinct, the absolute fear of the situation gripping his heart tightly. He was pushing his suit, the flash of warning signs that his thrusters were at max was flashing in his face but he disregarded them. He needed to reach Peter before the boy could hit the ground, he had to reach him, he had to.

He was close now, just a few more inches and he could grab the front of Peter’s sweatshirt.

Just as his fingers grazed it, his thrusters gave out. He was free falling for just a few seconds, but in those seconds, he couldn’t catch up to the boy in front of him. And by the time his thrusters came back online, it was too late.

*

Peter’s never felt so free before, he was used to swinging through Queens knowing that his web would catch him. Don’t get him wrong, experiencing that always felt good but this, knowing that he’s not going to save himself from this fall felt fleeting. He was barely conscious his mind hazy, and eyes still watery as he continued to look up at the sky as he fell.

He wasn’t sure if he was hearing things, or maybe it was the wind whipping pass his ears. But he swore he could hear the familiar sound of Ironman’s thrusters. He eyes fixed on a shiny dot that was above him and at the very last second, he felt a small smile work its way across his face.

He finally got to see another star before he left after all.

*

The ceremony was nice and everyone showed up.

Every last Avenger that fought alongside Peter was there to pay their respects except one.

Everyone knew that Tony blamed himself for not being able to save Peter. He felt like he did not place at the boy’s funeral because it wouldn’t be right, even though May insisted.

The only reason why Tony came back to the states is because he knew that they were having Peter’s funeral today. He’s been on some island drinking himself into a stupor the night after the incident. He couldn’t even face May himself.

The coward he is, he called Pepper and Rhodey that night, told them what just happened and waited from them to get there.

He breathed a shaky “I can’t do this” to Pepper who was already frantic and flew off.

Now he’s back at the facility trying to figure out if he should at least show his face at the reception.

Getting into the elevator he hit the button that would take him to his private rooms. Sighing he pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to get himself together because deep down he knew he needed to be there, to show some kind of respect to Peter’s family at least.

Opening his eyes, a flash of red and blue caught his eye.

“Jarvis go down one room!” he exclaimed.

“Sir, I do not think that at this time is—“NOW!”

The elevator started to descend back down one floor, the doors slid open and Tony’s heart almost stopped.

The room was still decorated.

The room was still decorated.

Big red and blue “We Are Sorry” balloons are still floating from the chairs that it was tied to. The red and blue decoration that exploded onto the walls, the fixtures, everything was still there. All of Peter’s favorite games were already set out, ready to play with everyone. His favorite kinds of cupcakes, cookies, and brownies, were still sitting on its dish on the counter. It’s a miracle that nothing was crawling all over them.

No one thought to clean up.

Tony stepped back into the elevator, he walked back until he was backed up against the wall. Sliding down until he was sitting pathetically on the ground, a sob making its way out.

There was no way he can go to that reception.

Not like this.

Not after what he could have prevented.

Tony has never felt so hopeless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello People!
> 
> A few things I would like to say about this little series of mine. I definitely did not know where to take this because I only planned for this to be a depressing one shot but you guys loved it so much so here we are.
> 
> I am not usually the type of author to kill off main characters and that's why I had trouble finishing this because I really wanted to take the easy way out like I always do because I live for hurt/comfort type stuff buuuuuuuuuut something in me, was like "Nah bruh just do it, tap into your evil side" and yeah. Sorry, Pete!
> 
> I also didn't have any intention of having a full out starker feel for this, and I didn't want to force it in there because it didn't feel right for the tone I was trying to set if that makes sense. But a lot of you guys wanted it in there somewhere so I dropped some "I love yous" to curve that. 
> 
> One last thing, I AM OKAY lol I just really get into moods sometimes around family, and friends and I just need to vent sometimes. I've never gotten to the point where I get to part three. I usually just simmer for a few days, get my feelings out and then I'm good. 
> 
> One more last thing. I am going to make this my venting series when I'm in a mood or if I'm just feeling like writing some really sad/ hurt/comfort/ angsty type things. and I already have an idea for another one from a situation that just recently happened so stayed tuned for that!
> 
> Upcoming Title: My Not So Big Day!
> 
> Love yall! See you soon!
> 
> Im also on Tumblr: LoveUStarker

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on my Tumblr https://www.tumblr.com/blog/loveustarker
> 
> I usually update on there.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed my sad one shot.


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